What's on your list?

Hi folks,

I’m in Japan, and I’ve managed to check one more thing of my list of things I want to do. Well, it’s not exactly climbing Mt. Fuji (been there, done that ;-), but it was still on my list. I suspect you all (at least of my generation) have already checked this box. And you probably can’t believe that I haven’t until now.













I just saw “Casablanca” for the first time (actually watched it twice, for good measure). Why did I wait so long? What a truly great film. But you already know that. After seeing it, you almost wonder why they moved to technicolor (which of course they had when Casablanca was made). What great lighting. And of course, classic dialog:

“Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world – she walks into mine”
“Play it once, Sam, for old time sake, play it Sam” (where did we get “play it again Sam”?)
“The problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world”
“If that plane leaves the ground and your not with him, you’ll regret it.
“Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.”
“Round up the usual suspects”
“I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship”

So what’s still on your list? And what are you waiting for? You have the rest of your life, but why wait? No one knows how much time that is. Live, do what you really want, and cross one more thing off your list!

“Here’s looking at you kid,”

S-

Kingdom of Heaven, or maybe Nirvana

On a plane again, so I took in another movie. Have you heard of it or seen it? I hadn’t — "Kingdom of Heaven".

It's a Hollywood production of the Crusades around 1200 A.D., but also somewhat about virtue. You know the story: unconscionable acts in the name of God (oh yeah, both sides worship the same God, but follow different messengers). How do we let this occur? You and I play a part in this. You may say "that was then, and this is now," but I don’t know — there seems to be some of that going on as we speak in Iraq or Afghanistan. Certainly other objectives and motivations, and certainly not black and white. But for all our progress in the last 1000 years, it seems to me that “Religion” is getting in the way of God, or god-like behavior, rather than the other way around.

I’m reading another book, given to me by my sister (thanks Linda), called Awakening the Buddha Within, by Lama Surya Das (formerly Jeffrey Miller). You may recall a previous e-mail describing a retreat in Cambridge that Jim Pennington and I did last year. Well, it’s coming up again, so if anyone is so inclined, check here: http://www.dzogchen.org/retreats/index.htm

And by all means, feel free to join us (Jim and I are going to try it again -- some people are slow learners ;-) in Cambridge, MA on 4-5 November. Come on, we can all carpool to Alewife and enjoy the weekend in Cambridge.


I must say, for whatever exploring I've done of various religious practices, there is something particularly attractive of Buddhism. I just keep coming back to its teachings.

> The thought manifests as the word;
> The word manifests as the deed;
> The deed develops into habit;
> And habit hardens into character;
> So watch the thought and its way with care,
> And let it spring from love
> Born out of concern for all beings ...

> As the shadow follows the body,
> As we think, so we become.

-- from the Dhammapada (Sayings of the Buddha), as quoted in Awakening the Buddha Within, by Lama Surya Das

I think Buddhism's attractiveness to me stems from two aspects. First, it is inherently experiential and not dogmatic, and second, I think "it scales". You may have a hard time accepting some of its premises (karma, rebirth, no-mind, etc.), but they are grounded in the experiences of yogis, lamas, and sages over many years, and you need not accept them on blind faith, but can try to experience them yourself. How many of us can live our lives with the intention to never harm any living beings? Try it some time -- save the fly, liberate the spider, and eat some veggies.

Consider this Janist prayer:

> Peace and Universal Love is the essence of the Gospel
> preached by all the Enlightened Ones. The Lord has
> preached that equanimity is the Dharma.

> Forgive do I creatures all, and let all creatures forgive me.
> Unto all have I amity, and unto none enmity.
> Know that violence is the root cause of all miseries in the world.
> Violence, in fact, is the knot of bondage.
> "Do not injure any living being".
> This is the eternal, perennial, and unalterable way of spiritual life.

> A weapon, howsoever powerful it may be, can always be
> superseded by a superior one; but no weapon can, however,
> be superior to non-violence and love.

In closing, and trying to segue, let me quote from one of my favorite people, who practiced what he preached:

"I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love."
-- Mahatma Gandhi

I hope all is well with each of you,

S-

Just how much are we a product of our culture?

OK, here’s a strange article for this group. But I include it because it shows (to me) just how many blind spots we all must have based on our familial and cultural baggage, er, upbringing.

This is something I never would have even thought about. And yet, it makes so much sense. We’re worried (or should be) about cost. We’re worried (or should be) about the environment. And we want to be “in tune” with our children. OK, so maybe I’m not really recommending Cara (and her mother) try this with her new one (but boy that would be “out of the box” thinking ;-). [Then again, why not — check out the website.]

But it certainly opened my eyes as to how much cultural indoctrination there really is, since this idea never ever crossed my mind. And if we wish to really get into the notion that “we are all one”, in spite of our cultural barriers, we need to be able to see that imprint for what it is, and be able to transcend it. See if you can get that message (rather than picture the potential mess around your house.) YMMV.

S-

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October 11, 2005
Dare to Bare

By MEREDITH F. SMALL


LIKE any American parent, I spent more than two years changing diapers. At the time, I thought it was a necessary evil; after all, you can't have babies or toddlers going whenever and wherever they want.

But, it turns out, there is a group of parents - supported by a pediatrician, some child-rearing experts and, of course, a Web site - who disagree. The diaper-free-by-three movement - and the three here is three weeks, not three years - claims that babies need never wear diapers again.

According to the Web site diaperfreebaby.org, diaper liberation comes as caretakers develop an "elimination communication" with their infants. "Elimination communication" is a fancy term for "paying attention," in the same way we notice other stuff babies communicate like hunger, tiredness or a desire to be picked up.

In this case, parents watch for the kind of fussiness, squirming and funny faces that come before a baby urinates or has a bowel movement. Caretakers should also pay attention to any daily routines that the baby follows, like urinating after feedings or when waking up. At that point, it's a simple matter of holding the baby on the pot, and pretty soon he or she connects the toilet with its function, and the pattern is set.

As an anthropologist, I know that this idea is nothing new. Most babies and toddlers around the world, and throughout human history, have never worn diapers. For instance, in places like China, India and Kenya, children wear split pants or run around naked from the waist down. When it's clear that they have to go, they can squat or be held over the right hole in a matter of seconds.

Parents and caretakers in these cultures see diapers as not the best, but the worst alternative. Why bind bulky cloth around a small child? Why use a disposable diaper that keeps buckets of urine next to tender skin?

The trick is that infants in these cultures are always physically entwined with a parent or someone else, and "elimination communication" is the norm. With bare bottoms, they ride on the hip or back and it's easy to feel when they need to go. The result is no diaper rash, no washing cloth diapers, no clogging the landfill with disposables, no frustrating struggle in the bathroom with a furious 2-year-old.

I am ashamed to admit that, even though I've studied how babies are cared for all over the world, it never occurred to me to focus on how children in other cultures use the potty, or not. I certainly borrowed all the other kinds of child-rearing behaviors that I admired from other cultures like carrying my daughter all the time, co-sleeping and feeding her on demand. And I was against the Western ideology of making my child independent and self-reliant. I rejected the crib, stroller and jump seat, all devices intended to teach babies to be on their own. Instead I embraced the ideology of non-Western cultures and opted for the closest kind of attachment I could get.

So why didn't I use that entwinement to free us both from diapers?

Because child-rearing traditions are culturally entrenched. The use of diapers in particular is so engrained in Western culture that it's almost impossible to imagine life without them.

Thanks to Freud, we also see the bathroom as a snake pit of psychological danger, and believe that the only way to prevent scarring a child for life is to let him or her come to the toilet in his or her own time, assuming there will be a diaper pinned on for as long as it takes. (I'm going to take a wild guess and say that the 75 countries that practice diaper-free training do not have a disproportionately high number of obsessive-compulsive adults. Of course, adults who were raised diaper-free may have other issues to deal with, like a strange sensation whenever anyone makes a hissing sound or the knowledge that at 7 months, a photo of you sitting on the toilet appeared on the front page of this newspaper.)

We are also a bathroom-oriented culture. American houses these days usually have several bathrooms, sometimes one for each bedroom, or each person. And they are often color-coordinated, lavishly decorated shrines to washing up and eliminating waste where everyone, even children, would like to spend a lot of time.

With so much cultural baggage behind the bathroom door, no wonder it never occurred to me that elimination might be a much easier business.

At this point, I haven't changed a diaper in six years, and it doesn't look as if I'll be faced with this issue again. But given the opportunity, I'd certainly go the diaper-free route. Just the thought of a baby's bare bottom bouncing through the house is reason enough to try.

Meredith F. Small, a professor of anthropology at Cornell University, is the author of "Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent."

On our media

Normally with this subject line, I’d rant a bit about materialism and consumerism. But I keep getting affected by Michael Yon’s dispatches on Iraq. I’d recommend you check out the latest here:

http://www.michaelyon.blogspot.com/

Here are a couple of media-related gems , interspersed in a rather compelling (and also lengthy) assessment of American military involvement and the development of the Iraqi Coalition Forces in one part of Iraq (from his dispatch entitled Battle for Mosul IV):

> To an enemy in need of assets, a press that is increasingly
> disengaged is like an empty car with keys in the ignition
> -- begging to be stolen.

> Mosul faded from the news. No one seemed eager to rush
> in and cover progress.

Why aren't we more critical of the press, and their inability to really provide insightful and balanced reporting? We feed on sensationalism, controversy, and negativity. It just baffles the mind.

In any event, though I can have no first had information of what is really going on in Iraq, Michael Yon's on-the-ground, in-depth reporting rings more true than the headlines and sound-bites we get from conventional media, or worse, politically motivated players.

S-